This Christian Life

you said, "Even things like the Lord of the Rings movies I struggle with keeping in my collection." Why do you struggle keeping these films in your colelction? Sure, they are not for young kids, but they are full of truth.

Aaron, would you feed solid food to a newborn baby? Does mere truth justify exposing my (then) elementary-aged kids to the darkness and violence that is contained in those movies? I just know how I was at a young age... full of curiosity and exploration. I found stuff my parents owned even in boxes in my parents basement. If those records had been more secular, I would have listened to them. What then? I just think that having them in my collection says something to an innocent child. It might say that it's acceptable to have those types of things in your collection. Then, when he becomes a dad, his collection might be even bigger or even farther away from the truth.

wow, so am I going to set my kids up for disaster if they listen to all the music and movies I have? I have 0 christian music in my collection and 0 christian movies. Does this send a message to people that I am not a good Christian or demonstrate to a kid I might have someday that my faith is lacking? There is a reason, grouned in my faith, for every film and CD I own. These things talk about truth, whether the people talking the truth are Christian or not. When I discovered secular music, it occured to me that the CCM I had been digesting all the time was feeding me recycled messages about faith and God etc. Secular music asked questions about faith and God etc. Secular music was not stuck with the jargon of religion to communicate and explore truth. As a lover of truth, It is totally acceptable to have these things in my collection.

What if you had listened to secular music as a kid? would it have made you evil? does anything make us evil? Do you think watching a movie with sex in it makes you evil?

Yes, we must protect our kids from things until they are ready. Yes, I am going to have to lock up a lot of my movies and music because my kids will not be ready to see them or listen to them. That is my responsibility as a parent.

But the thing the prompted me to respond was your feeling that having Lord of the Rings was a bad thing, that maybe you shouldn't have it in your collection. I agree that a kid under 13 should not see LOTR, but having those films does not reflect poorly on you as a Christian.

wow, so am I going to set my kids up for disaster if they listen to all the music and movies I have?

I hear what you're saying about the truth in the medium and how a lot of us tend to go internal and only listen to and watch "Christian" things. I think that's wrong. I'm NOT saying you can't find truth in the world, and I'm NOT saying my kids shouldn't be exposed to the world, and I'm NOT saying I'm a bad Christian for having this stuff in my collection.

However, what I am talking about is should I have the temptation in front of my kids. I think of "Do not cause your brother to sin..." and "Train a child in the way he should go..." and "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul..." I'm talking about material possessions and becoming desensitized, and oversaturated, and forgetful about the truth. There's a fine line between having all kinds of things because there are nuggets of truth in them and losing a sense of truth. Each one has the line drawn in a different place and I think your line is further down the path than mine. Your level of tolerance is higher than mine.

I also think of these passages:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be selfcontrolled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I Peter 1:13

My question is, and what I struggle with from the depths of my soul is where is that line for me? And, where do I set it for my children?

i think this is pure legalism, to be honest man. i find as much to shield children from in the CCM-approved stuff as i do in the hip-hop aisle at Best Buy. so much false theology, simplification of God, and fluffery to confuse a child in the way he should(n't) go. i find more honest, soul-searching wonder in Dylan, Cash, and Bono than i do in 90% of the stuff i grew up with. and with movies, it's the same. i think if you teach children discernment and proper filtering tools, they will be better off with "secular" media products in the home.

i'm proud of you for being a thoughtful, discerning parent. especially since you're the other half of my parenting team! and i don't feel we own anything we'd have to lock up - christian or non. as long as we discern at which point and under which circumstances kids are allowed to experience different media forms, we are doing our jobs as parents. you're right - there are many things out there with nuggets of truth, but is that what will last in a child's mind - the deeper meaning behind the scenes? i don't know. btw, my dad had some alice in chains and other such records hanging around in the basement when i was younger. (but i never listened to them). and when it all comes down to it, i'd rather have things my kids don't have to "filter" through all the time. if this means not having many movies or CDs at all, then so be it! there are hundreds of other ways to learn, grow and experience the world than through a tiny screen.

seeing as i'm somewhat absorbed/if not past this "curiosity" time with my children, i have experienced some things unexpectedly...
paving an open dialogue has become more important with each year. many times, movies that i would not have been allowed to view by my mother (ie:Star Wars in '77 was too "disturbing" in the bar scene for me at the age of 11--), I find opportunities to discuss ethical/moral subjects. "what would you do in this situation?" up until a certain age, there was an understanding that certain ratings were off limits. now that my oldest is on the brink of legal R movies, and dating, a pattern of trust has developed. i found more guidelines with tv--does _____ degrade the role of the dad? how disrespectful are the children behaving toward the parents?
as with ANY area of parenting...team it, establish a solid foundation, trust until there's a reason to doubt, and allow their freedoms to grow. enforce consequences if necessary. and keep talking.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Nate and Aaron, I am not trying to discuss whether or not good content is found in secular media or bad content is found in Christian media. I think both things are true, but that's beside the point. By the way, it's a pretty bold thing to do to completely rid yourself of anything that trips your "Christian cheap meter" and I personally think there are a lot of really great Christian messages in Christian media.

I am not trying to make this a legalistic thing at all, but, in my own home, there has to be a "legalism" of sorts. If my wife and I didn't have rules about things, we would not be responsible for our kids upbringing at all. Maybe once you start to deal with your own children, you'll start to understand where I'm at.

I just have a sense that we are delving more and more deeper into a "mediated culture" and I just have to wonder if we aren't becoming blind to it as it seeps in. Media and messages are all around us. As time marches on, the opportunity for Satan to use these mediums for his good are only increasing. I don't see the church really grabbing hold of this medium and doing wonderful things with it. People like Josh Rose, Compass Arts and others are trying to make a difference in Hollywood but it's only the beginning. The church has shunned Hollywood for so long there is a lot of work to be done to get us back in the game. Is that the only answer? No, but it's a start.

Most of us do things and watch things and listen to things and participate in things and wear things that would have gotten us seriously in trouble with the church decades ago. Have we lost too much? Are we all just floating along in this sea of contextual sin that has taken us so far from the truth that we can't recognize it anymore? What lies are we listening to that we don't even see?

On the contrary, what does it meant to be in the world but not of it? How do we take control of the tools at our disposal for the good of God's kingdom?

In the end, what do I teach my children? It's one thing for me to wrestle with these issues personally, but now I'm responsible for someone else's life.

These are the questions I wrestle with day in and day out.

I am not trying to make this a legalistic thing at all, but, in my own home, there has to be a "legalism" of sorts. If my wife and I didn't have rules about things, we would not be responsible for our kids upbringing at all. Maybe once you start to deal with your own children, you'll start to understand where I'm at.

Paul, i didn't mean any disrespect about how you raise your kids. i know that you and Manda are amazing parents. and i'm sure my perspective will change when i have some of my own little ones. when i read the blog entry, it did seem like legalism to me. you were hinting at a dichotomy between "religious" and "secular" entertainment options. i agree with Manda and you that entertainment is trumping/overpowering traditional value dissemination (that's another discussion, really) but i was addressing the blog entry at hand, which brought up your struggle with the entertainment options present in your home.

so in that context, my opinion is that the dichotomy of religious and secular is a false and perhaps misleading one. if i had young kids (i'm theorizing, but...) i would try to filter out all the things in my home that would be damaging to their spiritual well-being, including many artists on Christian record labels. and then when they got older, i'd love to do what Shari described and view things with them, teaching them to use their own filter to determine what is nourishing and what is polluting.

Thanks for the clarification, Nate. I appreciated Shari's perspective too. I guess all of this is just a little bit cart-before-the-horse kind of thing for all of us who don't have older kids yet.

I have this intuitive feeling (that is to say I don't have kids old enough to know for sure) that this is a very thin and somewhat dangerous line. It's kind of like a decompression chamber after being in space or beneath the ocean for a long period of time. The idea is to ease your child into life equipping them along the way to handle the greater and greater pressure of culture, peers, media, etc.

If you subject them to this pressure too soon they will be crushed by it and left injured for life. If you do not slowly allow greater freedom the shock to their system when they encounter it for themselves will have the very same effect. I guess the question we all face as parents (heh, look at that I'm part of the club now ;) -- is how do we manage that decompression responsibly.

PS -- I know that my analogy is backward with regard to compression and decompression but I think the word picture still works for the most part.